OPRAH
At 2006-04-25 on 1:38 a.m.
Todays Oprah was about young girls-babys-aged 3 and 4 thinking they are fat and ugly and a Teenager that was so pretty thinking she was ugly even though she is a model and everybody tells her that she is pretty.....
this hit close to home for me and made me tear up-first off im not pretty and nobody tells me that i am besides my hubby ;) and i call him a liar everytime he says it....i have ALWAYS felt so darn ugly and worried what others thought about my looks and still do and im a freakin 41 year old woman....i have always and still do have the worse skin ever-im too ashamed to go face a dermatoligist thinking that its going to be the worse face they ever saw-the same goes with my teeth-im ashamed when i go the dentist-i feel dirty and im the person who flosses and brushes and goes to the dentist and stills has soft teeth that decays very easy or breaks....im so fat now-nothing fits-i look horriable in everything-i keep changing my hair color this year trying to find something that i like on me and it aint happening and that makes me so upset doing this cause i have a friend who has cancer and has lost her hair and im trying to find a color that makes me feel good about myself-the truth is-there probably isnt a color out there that would make me feel good-its a inner feeling that i have about myself and my looks and that will never change!!! What is weird about the whole thing is that im not depressed about it-im pretty much a happy person in general accept when it comes to my looks and thats not me being shallow-i dont care how others look-i dont judge them on thier looks-but im my worse enemy.... It really has effected the way of life for me-its always been hard for me to look people in the eyes to talk to them because of my skin,im sure people get mad at me if i cancel out doing things at the last second-its the lack of self acceptance-and yet when i do go out-i like to laugh and have a good time and i feel like i fit in and people like me and arent judging me for my mishaps but its always in the back of my mind!!! THANKS OPRAH!!! LOL
Enough of the "Debbie Downer" persona!!
This weekend we did the bad judgement thing again-lol-we bought season tickets to the Jacksonville Jaguars again-they have a really tough schedule this year but lots of good teams coming-its the thing we love to hate to do-buy tickets and go to the games-its sooooo expensive to go-but its a few hours we can have some enjoyment win or lose and you've got to have that in life!!
I tried the new coke blak tonight and it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be but i wont buy it again-cost too much and i dont need that junk in me!!
I took my bra off tonight and i realized i was wearing it inside out all day-lmao-thats why it felt different ;) the other night i was wearing my bedroom shoes on the wrong feet-im doing things bass akwards!!
Doug has been working his booty off at his job-almost fulltime hours-its a love/hate job-he loves the extras that comes with the job but he works twice as long as his brother Wes and makes less-buttttttttt its been hot as heck here in florida and Wes works outside(in a warehouse) by himself(i always worry about him)!!!
Speaking of worrying-thats my main problem about myself-not depression but im a HUGE worrier-HUGEEEEEE-I worry about the most stupidest stuff too-i guess thats why i can laugh at myself too-its all good in the end!!!
hugs to all that are hurting and have problems-real problems!!!
i dont like writing in here anymore-i feel like i write about dumbshit that has know meaning....grrrrrr