IM NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY TO LIE
At 2007-11-26 on 1:48 a.m.
I cant hide my feelings-IM SCARED TO DEATH for this upcoming week...Me and my mom are leaving this Tuesday to go to Davids trial for the no contact order and im nervous as hell seeing him in person and im nervous as hell for my cousin Crystal cause she has to face her stepdad who possiable killed her mom-she hasnt seen him since the night of her moms death at the hospital and she has to take the stand to identify her mom and give her moms b/day and how thier related and such and she aint going to make it thru-My cousin terri and Aunt Linda are going to be there too and Terri told Crystal not to look at David-just find a spot to stare at and I think Crystal is going to hold a pic. of her mom in her hand to remind her to stay focus and why she is there..Its going to be so friggin hard and im scared my Aunt Linda is going to lose it in the courtroom,Crystal is already having panic attacks all week-and with it being Thanksgiving and not having her mom there for the first time was very hard-for what I understand we will be sitting right behind David in the courtroom-its not a big courtroom and im not even sure if its a jury trial...
Its been on my mind non stop and im even dreaming about it-dreams i dont like and make me feel guilty-as much as I hate David-I can honestly say I hate this man-Im having feelings of feeling sorry for him and i cant explain it and dont know why im feeling this and i hate it...Like my husband and everybody else has said and I feel this way too trust me i do-he is guilty no matter what-just by not jumping into that pool and trying to save her because "he wasnt strong enough" and the pictures of her poor face and body from his abuse that he did to her that i just sit her and look at on the computer and cry and rub her face trying to make her pain go away-the hurt that this man has caused to my aunt Jean and her kids and her family is not forgivable-not yet-maybe never-but why im I scared of seeing him in that courtroom? why do I fear that seeing him will make me feel sorry for him? why cant I explain these feelings when everybody around me wants to hurt him? and on the other hand I do too and want him to suffer and pay for what he has done-there is no question about that-its just weird feelings that I cant explain and I dont dare share them with others besides my husband and mom and on here...My mom being the big badass she is-not really-its just funny seeing her try to act like it-she cant wait to see David and see if he is suffering and she wants him to suffer big time-Jean was her sister...and here again i do to-I guess its just really hitting home that things are starting to roll and we might hear things we dont want to hear-we still havent heard what the autopsy says and when we do hear that I think there are going to be a lot of us puking and passing out in the courtroom and we're all "strong women" whatever that means...
My aunts other daughter who lives in PA and has her half brother now raising him along with her own 4 kids and a husband that just left her has to talk to David all the time when he calls to talk to his son-which that has stopped alot-she doesnt pick up everytime he calls now cause it cost her atleast $30 each call cause he calls collect from the jail-well David is still David and its all about him him him-poor him-he told her that he only weighs about 140lbs. now etc...and crying that nobody writes him in jail etc...FINALLY Teresa lost it with him and said "you know what david I am trying to raise my own kids-now also your 16 year old trouble kid- who is so far gone and so much like his dad-and she said guess what David-my mom probably weighs less then you do now cause her body is rotting in the ground and you want me to feel sorry for you?" (go Teresa) and his reply was 'why are you being mean to me?"
This man is such the biggest liar,he uses people to get what he wants,he is an abuser and my guess is that 100% a killer too but he's always been able to talk his ass out of everything, I just pray not this time and the evidence will show that for the sake for justice for my aunt...
If anybody has anything they can tell me to help me get thru this or what to expect if they have ever been thru this I would appreciate it so much-the fear of the unkown is driving me nuts..
I said if we're sitting behind David in the courtroom all of us ladies should wear my Aunts perfume cause crystal has it all-we wanted to make pins with her pictures on them but none of us has done it-but I'll have my purple braclet and pin on for abused women!! I wish I could post her abused pictures on here to teach others to get out-its not worth losing your life over..At least i know the govonor of Fl. has seen them cause his head person wrote me back and told me how sorry he is and wished us luck etc..It was a nice positive letter...
I just want a outlet to spread the word of abused women and my aunts story and pictures and its not just something that happens to poor women who dont have any other options but to stay-my aunt lived in a million dollar home in a rich town and the same bad things go on behind closed doors in rich homes as they do behind poor ones! abuse has no $ tag set on it...
Im not writing this to anyone but myself and im not looking for selfpity im trying to help my head and body get thru this and JUSTICE FOR JEAN!!
We'll be repersenting you on Wednesday and your not facing this alone anymore-we're here to fight for you when you arent able to anymore!! I LOVE YOU AUNT JEAN~YOUR FAVORITE NIECE IN THE WORLD ;) Patti
lordy as i write this at 2:48am my cell phone rings with unknown caller and i pick up and nobody is there...I swear this just happen...ughhhh